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Environmentalism is a synonym for hypocrisy.


dredgy

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Back in September I bought a vast of expanse property, acres of which are full of mango trees. I was looking forward to eating fresh mangoes, and I didn't have to wait long before I gorged down 2 delicious crates of the sweetest kensington mango I have ever tasted.

 

Due to a cruel twist of fate though I was in Sydney for most of January and in Saudi Arabi for most of February, so when I finally got the time to swing by my mangos, the wind had blown away most of the netting and my lovely mangos had been eaten by bats.

 

I tried to re-net the area, but accidentally knocked over my shed when I was putting my plane into place, so had to spend several days reconstructing that. So it was nearly the end of mango season and I had no bat protection, so I decided to do what I do best - cut the land into little segments, and plop a suburb on top.

 

That was going to be difficult to pull of in the economic climate, but if I was not gonna get my mangos, nor where the bats.

 

So when I submitted plans for development 2 weeks ago, the council came by and told me I had some endangered mangroves on my property and that some mangrove expert would have to go by and have a look. Today was the day he chose to come. Which didn't help since I'd just arrived at Brisbane airport. Since Qantas was a bitch with their schedules, I had to charter some stupid King Air to fly me down to Rockhampton.

 

I still managed to get to my place 20 minutes early while this mangrove dude showed up an hour late. He was the worst sort of man, the kind who cares about nothing but the environment. He was a greeenpeace hippie.

 

I was expecting a Toyota Prius or a bicycle to be rolling up my gravel driveway, but he came in a land rover, which was falling apart at the seams and clouds of black smoke were filling the air. And the first thing Ecodude does when he emerges from all the pollution is, wait for it, criticise my car!

 

The offroader I keep with me in Central Queensland is a Mercedes R Class, which is a pretty crap 4x4, but you can't criticise it for being unenvironmentally friendly when your car comes from the industrial resolution.

 

Then he sees my planes. Apparently owning your own aircraft is the environmental equivelant of being Satan. I have a Cessna 150 and a Britten-Norman Islander - I have never even switched the Islander on, and the Cessna currently does not even have an engine in it but according to this guy, if I fly either of them, Tasmania will end up underwater.

 

After 10 minutes of arguing, the guy still did not get that Tasmania was a completely pointless bit of land and that it being underwater would be a massive improvement for the world. So we set off to have a look at my mangroves. Me in my sensible Mercedes took the muddy way, causing no real damage to anything, while Ecodude went straight to my left, across the beautiful wildflowers that had sprung up in the last few days after Cyclone Hamish. Then his brakes were bad and he rolled into my creek and got bogged, pumping his Land Rover poisons into my private swimming hole and fishing spot. So I had to go back, get a bungee chord and tow him out, only for him to say that I had too many of these mangroves on the propery and that they were home to the same bats that eat my mangoes, so I'd have to do all sorts of tricky things so I could subdivide and keep the mangroves. But no one wants a suburban house 10 metres away from mangroves.

 

So ecodude left, ripping up more wildflowers on his way and scaring a horse. He ripped up flowers, pumped pure carbon into the air, posioned my fish, scared my horse and generally left my place in a much worse state than it was before he showed up. But that's ok, because I am going to follow his example. Apparently, the best way to save the environment is by detroying it.

 

So tonight, instead of flying back to Brisbane, I'm sitting outside, waiting for the bats, with my laptop and a .22

Edited by dredgy

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