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Golf. Why aren't you allowed to have fun?




It's been a busy few months. There's the good - which includes having my name on a contract worth $20m and a new shiny Koenigsegg (Yes, I'm allowed to call a Saab a Koenigsegg now). Then the bad, which involved getting sued. But still, my friends and I got together for a high-octane, adrenaline pumping activity. We went to play golf.


Now we rocked up at 12pm to a golf course along the Queensland cost. It was a gorgeous winter day - warm, dry, nice breeze, it should've been a perfect day, but I was surprised to find we were the only people on the course younger than 80. Indeed, we were the only people on the course, aside an 80 year old gardener who was a lovely bloke.


First of all, I was told off for not wearing a collared shirt. My retort caused us to be threatened to get kicked off.


So I bought a polo shirt, hired some clubs, a buggy and bought some tees and balls. Then we set off. We played the first 9 holes without incident, but then we started getting bored. No one was around, so we had a buggy race. Then when I lost, I spent five minutes trying unsuccesfully to powerslide the buggy on a patch of dirt. That got us another warning. So we played two more holes until we came across a fantastic creek used as a water trap. So for no real reason we started hitting balls into the creek. The club manager was keeping a close eye on us by now, and kicked us out.


Now golf could be a great day out. You get to hit things as hard as you can for no real reason other than to waste time, then you have motorized vehicles that are surprisingly fun when pushed and are great for kids to drive around in. But because of all the old codgers who want to preserve the dignity of the game - who take it too seriously and never go out just to have a bit of fun - there is no fun in it. If you do anything that's not considered professional on a golf course, you get expelled for being 'dangerous', 'reckless' and 'young'.


So next time we have a free moment, we're going to try archery. Though professionals will be there to stop us shooting apples off each other's heads or using our buttocks as targets. So I doubt it will be any fun.


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